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misanthropic-visions

6th post

I started college last week and I've been so busy with just course work that I haven't really had any actual time to do anything else. Especially since i'm in the pre-med program I don't really have much of a life. I've had some drama with the family but this time it's worse because I said a swear word in front of my father, not intentionally to hurt him, but because of how stressful my sister was making the situation. I didn't really if he had a raised a hand on me or anything and he also tried to "ground" me for the year. Which is absolutely ludicrous considering the fact the only thing I do is school and volunteer work in my community now (out of boredom really but it's nice to do good things for people). So, I'm not really upset anymore, I was because of all the crap my sister was exaggerating it for me. Telling everyone our personal family problems and basically trashing your parents in front of people, brown people, is not a smart thing do. Why? People talk, and when people talk it spreads making not only the person who said it look bad, but also the rest of the family in general. I guess that's why I was so pissed off. I told her in her ear if she said anymore crap that I'd hurt her but obviously she's egotistical, naive, stupid, and one big liar. I didn't tell my Mother the whole situation since she was there, and knowing her she would've (and did later on when my mom subtly brought it up). As a brown person I'll say that nothing ever stays "secret" in the community and she's ruining herself. She's been unemployed since she's graduated from college  and my parents are fed up with nagging at her about it because she's basically a fail for not doing shit about it. Doing non-profit work may be great but it doesn't pay for shit. -I'm trying to finish my last math homework and quiz assessment, so i can start on my chemistry notes (since i failed the last quiz, thank god the online chem homework counts more than the quizzes), and start a bunch of the readings i'm supposed to do. My mother hasn't told my father about the rest of the story because his anger is vile and usually bursts out from a disease i like to call "impatient stupidity". I may never really "liked" my father but he's proved himself as an awful father mentally, and emotionally and I don't expect most fathers to be like that but the only thing he's done well at is providing the basic financial needs of the family. Besides that I find quite useless and if I go to hell for saying that then I don't really care. I've given as much respect as I can out of my being, and I honestly can't wait for the day to move out and go to UGA. My parents have been pushing me to go to Emory but honestly it may have been a dream for me to go as a kid but I could give less of a crap now about it. I guess we'll see how I do for the rest of the semester. Inshallah, I do hope everything does get better, I don't understand the old man but I do need to get the hell away from him and I need my sister to get a damn job so I don't have to tell people that she's basically leech with no priorities in life. I pray that my poor mother finds the courage to get healthier and get her GED since her education back home doesn't really have much of an equivalent standard over here. She's studied nursing when she was back home and also started working when she came to the US for a couple of years but after she got pregnant she just stopped because of my sexist father got a job and let his male chauvinism, despite his allegations may say. I never realized how alone my mother was but even though my mother panics unnecessarily over a lot of things about me, I will miss her dearly but I do hope that she is able to do things on her own again without having to take anyone's crap ever again.

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