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September 08 2013

misanthropic-visions

6th post

I started college last week and I've been so busy with just course work that I haven't really had any actual time to do anything else. Especially since i'm in the pre-med program I don't really have much of a life. I've had some drama with the family but this time it's worse because I said a swear word in front of my father, not intentionally to hurt him, but because of how stressful my sister was making the situation. I didn't really if he had a raised a hand on me or anything and he also tried to "ground" me for the year. Which is absolutely ludicrous considering the fact the only thing I do is school and volunteer work in my community now (out of boredom really but it's nice to do good things for people). So, I'm not really upset anymore, I was because of all the crap my sister was exaggerating it for me. Telling everyone our personal family problems and basically trashing your parents in front of people, brown people, is not a smart thing do. Why? People talk, and when people talk it spreads making not only the person who said it look bad, but also the rest of the family in general. I guess that's why I was so pissed off. I told her in her ear if she said anymore crap that I'd hurt her but obviously she's egotistical, naive, stupid, and one big liar. I didn't tell my Mother the whole situation since she was there, and knowing her she would've (and did later on when my mom subtly brought it up). As a brown person I'll say that nothing ever stays "secret" in the community and she's ruining herself. She's been unemployed since she's graduated from college  and my parents are fed up with nagging at her about it because she's basically a fail for not doing shit about it. Doing non-profit work may be great but it doesn't pay for shit. -I'm trying to finish my last math homework and quiz assessment, so i can start on my chemistry notes (since i failed the last quiz, thank god the online chem homework counts more than the quizzes), and start a bunch of the readings i'm supposed to do. My mother hasn't told my father about the rest of the story because his anger is vile and usually bursts out from a disease i like to call "impatient stupidity". I may never really "liked" my father but he's proved himself as an awful father mentally, and emotionally and I don't expect most fathers to be like that but the only thing he's done well at is providing the basic financial needs of the family. Besides that I find quite useless and if I go to hell for saying that then I don't really care. I've given as much respect as I can out of my being, and I honestly can't wait for the day to move out and go to UGA. My parents have been pushing me to go to Emory but honestly it may have been a dream for me to go as a kid but I could give less of a crap now about it. I guess we'll see how I do for the rest of the semester. Inshallah, I do hope everything does get better, I don't understand the old man but I do need to get the hell away from him and I need my sister to get a damn job so I don't have to tell people that she's basically leech with no priorities in life. I pray that my poor mother finds the courage to get healthier and get her GED since her education back home doesn't really have much of an equivalent standard over here. She's studied nursing when she was back home and also started working when she came to the US for a couple of years but after she got pregnant she just stopped because of my sexist father got a job and let his male chauvinism, despite his allegations may say. I never realized how alone my mother was but even though my mother panics unnecessarily over a lot of things about me, I will miss her dearly but I do hope that she is able to do things on her own again without having to take anyone's crap ever again.

August 16 2013

misanthropic-visions

5th post

So, I start college in about 10 days, and i'm nervous outta my mind but also quite excited to start learning new things, and meeting new people. --The one thing that frightens me is taking public transport because that's something i'm not used to and I went with my sister once and my schedule wasn't set at the time so it didn't really fit into my head of what train station is closest to what building. plus, my sister just usually likes to bitch at me with her condescending attitude and then say's she's not "trying to be condescending" but trying to "help" me out. -- Personally, I think she's filled with lies and complete bull really. Besides that no matter how "good" her intentions are for me, I just can't take it seriously. I mean she's been a bitch to me for most of my life and I can't handle it because i don't know how to.-- I talked to my mother personally about how I wanted to transfer out of GSU and then go to UGA (since I'd have a better chance at getting into Berkley). I just emotionally cannot take anyone's shit in the house anymore. Don't get me wrong, no one has abused me or anything but there's only so much a person can take. Being the Middle child really really takes a toll on you sometimes. Sometimes i'm the "glue" and have to keep everyone together so no one loses their heads. Honestly, I want to live a life where I don't have to do that all the god damn time. My younger brother is 16 and now recently learned to do things on his own. I mean he's a very spoiled child, being the youngest and all. Besides that my parents never ever ever ever scolded him until now. He's quite disrespectful to our parents and i have no idea why really. He doesn't have many close friends and I can see that he's lonely and I get it. I've literally been there at 16, lonely, depressed, and just angry. --Anyways, I just hope everything goes well with going on public transport, besides that I'm quite excited about the whole "college life" experience. I definitely need a whole new social life to be comfortable around. So, lets see how that goes.

August 07 2013

misanthropic-visions

4th post

I got back from Chicago last night, and I didn't get home around 1AM and had to empty out space from my phone because i ended up having 9 gigs of just straight up pictures and videos. (i know crazy right?) I was a bit sad I couldn't really meet up with a friend from tumblr I had over there but since I was with family they wouldn't have been happy since we were on a "family" vacation. I can't wait for the day when I can travel with a friend, or on my own even. The only problem is that shit like that is expensive, so when I have enough money on my own I'd love to go and do a summer trip in these cities: Chicago, New York (specifically Manhattan &Brooklyn area), L.A.(hopefully move there in the future for optometry school), and I guess maybe P.C. -- The best part of the trip was the shopping because we also went to Minneappolis and bought stuff from the Mall Of America. I got these really great blazers from Banana Republic & Charming Charlie's which is just perfect<33 A bunch of tops from Banana Republic, skinny jeans,and another top from Old Navy. I'm very grateful that my Dad could pay for all this great stuff. I'm gonna empty out my closet and donate a bunch of my clothes to Good Will or the Salvation Army (that's if I can tear away from my awful laziness and do so). Now that I'm in college I want a more "mature" wardrobe if you say. It's not that I'm trying to "grow up" faster, but I just want to be recognized as more of a "young woman" then just a "little girl". Speaking of college, I still have to order textbooks. Luckily, only one out of the five classes i'm taking doesn't require a textbook and that's Philosophy. So that's gonna be a royal pain in the ass for me. As far as college goes as weird as this sounds but I hope I make more friends that I can actually like stay connected too. I don't really like being that "shy girl" in the corners that always "mad" when really it's just my face..?? High School I just kinda talk with a bunch different people but wasn't close to anybody...at all. since the people i was close to graduated a year earlier before I did and sucked big time. I'm trying to be more optimistic you might say? I've been pretty negative my whole life but I'm gonna try and have a little "happy" in my life for once. I'm only 18, and there shouldn't feel alone all the damn time. Anyways, Eid is tomorrow so i'll have to go to prayer early in the morning. Depending what time my parents wake up really -_-. 

July 21 2013

misanthropic-visions

1st post

Hey, I'm Anushah. I'm a rising freshman at GSU (Georgia State University), and a Biology major (I plan on becoming an Optometrist). I don't really consider myself to have much of a social life. I may seem very vain because I take quite a few selfies but personally I don't think there's anything wrong with liking the way you look and I consider myself a "decent-looking" person. There are things I struggle with things like any other individual does on this planet, but life in general is never easy, now is it?

"Dying is easy, Living is hard." -house
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